2010

We are closing out the first decade of the new millennium & though most people call it a "New Year's Resolution", I just like to set goals for myself to accomplish throughout the upcoming year. This year, for real this time! I'm going to try my best to get over my fear of driving & finally learn how to drive. Whew... This is going to be a long hard road but I know I can conquer this fear! I'm about to turn 23 years old & I've come to the realization that knowing how to drive is a necessity. I really need it to get through my everyday life because it becomes more difficult for me to get certain things done not being able to get myself from one place to another.

My education is very important to me because I know that it's essential to have if I want to succeed in life. & even though I'm aware of this I really hate to study. This year I'm putting aside a set amount of time to myself for me to study everyday & as a result of hitting the books everyday I hope to make all A's & B's. Okay, I have another confession... A's & B's have never really been that important to me until recently. I would do just enough to get by & as long as I got a passing grade I was fine. Not anymore! I know I'm better than that, so I'm focusing all my energy towards these A's!

I definitely believe in God & I consider myself a very spiritual person but I find myself so busy sometimes that Sunday is the only day I have to rest & I skip out on church. This up coming year I plan to go to church more often, regardless of how tired I am. I recognize that I need to go to church & give thanks because I am so very blessed. In addition to going to church more frequently I want to read my Bible everyday, which shouldn't be a problem because I have the Bible on my iPhone & I want to pray more. I just really need to get more in touch with the ONE who makes everything in my life possible.

Being real & honest with myself & others was on my list for 2009 & it's on my list once again for 2010. I've been pretty successful with being real & I feel like it's most important for me to continue to be real with myself because we sometimes feed ourselves lies to put up with certain things or to make ourselves sleep better at night when we know we're doing something wrong. & I know I don't want to be lied to, so I like to be open an honest with everyone around me so there are no misunderstandings & no one is being mislead. Sometimes the truth hurts, but in my opinion lies hurt worse & I like to go by the saying everything you do in the dark will eventually come to the light.

Yes, I have another confession... I think maybe stating these goals for 2010 is making me reveal a little more about myself than I want people to know. LOL! But hey, I'm a work in progress. So, I consider myself to be a very solid, stable & strong indivdual(WOW! Three positive S's), but I'm a softy when it comes to those I love & I don't mean family & friends... I mean as far as my love life. I constantly find myself bending & compromising a lot to salvage relationships & that's so not happening in 2010. If you thought I was a Badd Bitch in '09, you're going to hate me in 2010! LOVE is my weakness, but I've got to stand my ground. I'm no longer a child, I'm a young adult & I have a future that I'm focusing on, so I don't have time for games. I'm going to be an all-around strong minded individual in 2010.

I've already spoke about not complaining about ish you can & cannot control in a previous blog, but it is on the list of 2010 goals. No complaining! If there's something you can do to change your current state, then do it! If not, what's the use in complaining? The last few things on my list for 2010 are to exercise frequently, which goes hand in hand with eating healthy. I really have to get it together because I eat a lot of unnecessary bull shit... for real! I'm going to try my best & cut back on the fast food & only pick one day out of the week to have it.

OMG! I'm about to really start stacking this cake. I've been doing well with saving my money, but anybody that knows me knows that I'm a shopaholic & I'm definitely no cheap bitch, so I've got to cut back. This means I've got to stay out of the mall because if I hit the mall it's a done deal. I live for shoes, clothes &  badd ass watches... Can you tell?! LOL! UGH! & this is like my last confession because I'm giving you all too much... Marquise is no chef, so I'm about to step my cooking game up for 2010! I just stated that I had a future to think about & I hope that includes a husband... Come on, I've got to be able to feed the man & myself. LOL! Last but not least I have to put ME first in everything I do & that concludes my goals for 2010.

It's [BARBIE] Bitch!

I've been viben' to Nicki since the first time I heard one of her songs & now, everytime I hear her on a track I fall more in love with her as an artist. Yes, I've listened to almost every female rapper that has hit the scene including Trina, Eve, Jackie O, Foxy Brown & Lil' Kim. But I've never been into any of them the way I'm into Nicki. Funny thing is it's not her image that's most appealing to me, which is why most of these chicks cling to her. I pride myself on being REAL in more ways than one. I believe that I'm real because I'm an open an honest person & I'm also real because I rock my real hair, nails, eye lashes etc... So I don't fit into the Barbie category with the rest of these fake, plastic ass hoes! Contrary to what Nicki Minaj portrays herself as, she expresses the complete opposite through her lyrics. Her lyrics go hard, they're raw, real, extremely sexual & sometimes very animated. Point blank, her flow is sick! The Mistress is exactly what the rap game has been waiting for! These other female rappers better step their cookies up before they crumble! LOL!

Brilliant Ink

I guess there was one detail that I love about Rihanna that I left out... Her creative body art. Even though at this present moment I only have two, I have a tattoo fetish. A great amount of women I know get tatted on the most random places & sometimes in places that are unlady-like. Rihanna on the other hand has tattoos in places that are unordinary & elegant. Aside from the fact that her places of choice are unique, all of her tatts have some kind of meaning. I must admit when I hit the tattoo shop again I have a couple of spots that I must steal from her. LOL! I'm definitely taking the zodiac sign behind the ear, & I also want to get something going across my side, but I'm not sure what yet.

Last night Rihanna hit up the tattoo parlor to get what might be her most meaningful tatt so far. Right under her collar bone on the right side of her chest she has the phrase "Never A Failure. Always A Lesson." I must admit that this isn't my favorite spot of choice for a tatt, but I love the meaning none the less. After enduring so much this year, this was the perfect tattoo for her to get to bring in the new year. Rihanna stated that this quote is her new motto & she got it tatted backwards so that everytime she looks in the mirror she can read it to herself... Genius. That way everytime she looks in the mirror she's reminded of those powerful words. I'm going to take heed to this phrase because it's so true. You don't die from failing at something or making a mistake. You learn from it, get yourself together, & try again :-)

Fashion At It's Finest!

Words can't even express how much I love this chick & everything that she puts on her body! But it's more than just an article of clothing that makes her swagg pop the way that it does. From the hair cut, to the bright color lip stick & nail polish, down to the badd ass heels, it all makes up this edgy, good girl gone badd. Rihanna has made her mark on the fashion world, & is now considered a true fashion icon. It doesn't matter if she's hitting the red carpet, a party, traveling across the country, or just going shopping, she walks a 24 hour run way. She wears the most eye catching things & is never predictable, you never know what you're going to see her in next. I wish I could live in this chicks closet! All hail the fashionista!

[BEYONCE] I am... Yours, Live In Vegas

Last week Beyonce's DVD/CD set for her concerts in Las Vegas finally came out & ofcourse I ran out to buy it... If you don't know by now, Beyonce is my favorite performer in the entire universe! I know most people love Sasha Fierce & more of the performance aspect of Bee, but during this concert the ballads are what I fell in love with! The acoustic versions of her slower tracks are absolutely breath taking! I watched & listened to her in awe, trying to figure out how one human being can be so talented. I watched the DVD once, but I'm still playing the CD's on my iPod over & over. The "Sweet Dreams Medley" is my favoirte! She did an acoustic version of the song & incorporated "Dangerously In Love", & Anita Baker's "Sweet Love"... Just amazing! "Hello", "Scared of Lonely", & "Resentment" get gold stars also. If you haven't copped it already please do! You're missing out on an astonishing concert!

Miss Stress (Mistress)

Just sitting here wondering how I ended up in the situation that I'm in. I find myself going against my morals, things that I believe in & doing things that are so far left from my character. Is this what LOVE causes you to do? Because this role that I'm portraying isn't who I am or who I want to be. But when it comes to him there are no boundaries or limitations to what I'll do for him. How did I manage to fall in love with a man that doesn't belong to me? A man that loves me just as deeply as I love him, but also loves someone else... Miss Stress is what you can call me. Stressing about his phone calls, stressing about his visits, stressing about not knowing the next time I'll be able to see him. Stressing the fact that I love him is so unnecessary though. Him & everyone else knows, but it doesn't change this harsh reality. Legally he belongs to her, but in reality his heart belongs to me.

There is no amount of time or space between us that makes these feelings go away. This blazing fire I feel for him never dies down, it only increases. It doesn't make a difference if we haven't seen eachother or talked to eachother for a whole year, I see him & my heart melts everytime. So how will this rollercoaster ride end? After all the bumps & collisions, he's still hanging on with her. Will I ever become faint & nauseous to the point where I'll finally jump off? I don't know, but I just don't see a happy ending in the future. In no way, shape, or form am I oblivious to the circumstances of the situation, but something keeps me holding on. Maybe it's because I love every aspect of him or the way he treats me or even the way he loves me... But regardless, this cannot play out this way forever. Could there possibly be some type of happy ending?