Weekend Vacay

Last weekend my family & I took a trip to Davenport Florida to celebrate my big Sister's birthday & boy it was a much needed vacation! With all the chaos in my life with school, work & the dance perfomace that I had been working extra hours for, I needed that break. A weekend with no work, no school, just me, the one's I love & the thing that I love to do the most... Relax :-) We stayed in a beautiful four bedroom house will a pool & game room. We spent the weekend chillin', eating & shopping. All of this was put together for my Sister & she seemed to have really enjoyed herself & that was the most important thing. I wasn't ready to come down off of that cloud & face reality, but back to the money I go...

Nail Color Of The Moment

"Mint Candy Apple" by Essie is thee new "IT" color. I always hear people asking about it in the nail shop & everytime I wear it people always stop & ask me the name of the color & where they can get it from. I think this is my favoite color in my collection right now. This mint green is eye catching & rare. Even though this color is from the Winter Collection, I still think it's a perfect color for summer. I also decided to throw a splash of pink in there. That pink is also by Essie & it goes by the name of "Pink Parka." Stay tuned for more of my collection...

Trust Part II

I want to, but I just can't... Get past it, get over it, or put it behind me so that we can move forward...

It still lives fresh in my mind & when the situation continues to present it self, I take ten steps backwards from my recovery. My recovery from broken trust & a broken heart. I love him with everything in me, but my lack of trust is going to be the death of our relationship. Day after day the anger & frustration that I have built up within me finds the quickest outlet & I end up lashing out at him. The smallest things set me off as if I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Everytime I try to evaluate the whole ordeal I cringe & I feel myself questioning if this will ever work between us. The last thing that I want is to resent him & because of my actions have him grow to hate me. I want us to go back to how we originally were, but at this point in time I couldn't do it to save my life.

Am I strong enough for this? Is it even worth it? Is he deserving of my heart? Is he sincere about turning over a new leaf & remaining loyal to me? Or is this just a game to him? All these questions clutter my mind & leave me in my present state... Torn, frustrated & confused. Prayer has been my #1 source during this situation, while trying to find peace within myself & determine which move I should make. I just need HIM to provide me with the strenght to get through this & move past it. I need HIM to restore me with trust & to make my heart whole again so that I can love this man the way I once did. Only time will tell, but whatever is meant to be, will be.


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My Favorite White Boy

Tracks from Eminem's latest album leaked a few days ago & I tried my best to not download or listen to any of them. It's just something about actually buying a CD & hearing all the songs in order & in their entirety for the first time. LOL! You think I'm crazy, I know. But I finally broke down & only downloaded two... "Love The Way You Lie" featuring Rihanna & "No Love" featuring Wayne... Dynamic Duos! No one could have done that hook on "Love The Way You Lie" like Rihanna, she is perfect on the song! & it's one of those songs you expect for Em to do... He's famous for rapping about his love/hate relationships... But what human being can't relate? & "No Love" is going down in the history books! They both killed it, but in my opinion Em ripped Wayne on this one & I'm not just saying that because he's my favorite rapper either! Next Tuesday can't get here fast enough... I'll be up bright & early to cop my copy of "Recovery"!

Rihanna & Her Ruthless Red

Now yall know I love my girl Rih-Rih & her many outrageous & daring fashion statements, but I just can't get into this red hair! I'm not sure if it's just the color or this mushroom looking style she has going on, but I'm not really digging it at the moment... Maybe it's something I have to get use to. But right now I'm saying bring back the blone or the black!

Drake Brings The Fireworks!

The very highly anticipated album from Drake "Thank Me Later" has finally dropped & he definitely did not disappoint! The first track "Fireworks" featuring Alicia Keys is one of my favorite tracks & it just sets the tone for the entire album. My two new theme songs are "Fancy" & "Shut It Down", I see myself bumping those songs preparing to hit the club... Those are really going to be every females anthem! Of course I love "Up All Night" featuring one of my fav BaddBitches Nicki. They both go hard on that track & I love the beat. Ahhh... & "Unforgettable" with Jeezy... Can you say classic? I love how they incorporated that sample of Aaliyah's "At Your Best (You Are Love)", I think that puts the icing on the cake. Those are my favorites, but I can definitely vibe the album from beginning to end. Trust me, it's in heavy rotation on my iPod!

Creatively Frustrated

My mind seems to be in a million different places right now & it's keeping me from being able to express myself through poetry, which is one of my favorite things to do. I've come to this place in my life where I'm not really happy because when I sit back & examine every aspect of my life, I'm not really content with anything. I don't just want to be content... I want to be passionate about my life & everything that I choose to be a part of.  If it's school, my job, my relationship... I want to feel passion for it all & right now I'm just going through the motions & that's not what I want at all.

My creativity flows from love, passion, excitement, joy & pain. Pain is an emotion that I've experienced recently, but when I've tried to express this specific situation on paper all is does is bring me to tears. I honestly feel ashamed of what I've allowed to occur in my life & rather not have to relive it by reading about it. But this is something that I've never experienced before because when I'm unhappy or infuriated I usually write my best work... It's usually an outlet for me, but as of lately I haven't seen it that way.

Nothing is how I want it to be, so that's why creatively I'm not there. I first have to pick up the pieces of my life to be able to produce things that I'm proud of. I'd like to think that I'm a work in progress & I will no longer go with the flow or be complacent... I'm about to go under some massive construction. Hope I can get to where I want to be sooner than later...