Trust Part II

I want to, but I just can't... Get past it, get over it, or put it behind me so that we can move forward...

It still lives fresh in my mind & when the situation continues to present it self, I take ten steps backwards from my recovery. My recovery from broken trust & a broken heart. I love him with everything in me, but my lack of trust is going to be the death of our relationship. Day after day the anger & frustration that I have built up within me finds the quickest outlet & I end up lashing out at him. The smallest things set me off as if I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Everytime I try to evaluate the whole ordeal I cringe & I feel myself questioning if this will ever work between us. The last thing that I want is to resent him & because of my actions have him grow to hate me. I want us to go back to how we originally were, but at this point in time I couldn't do it to save my life.

Am I strong enough for this? Is it even worth it? Is he deserving of my heart? Is he sincere about turning over a new leaf & remaining loyal to me? Or is this just a game to him? All these questions clutter my mind & leave me in my present state... Torn, frustrated & confused. Prayer has been my #1 source during this situation, while trying to find peace within myself & determine which move I should make. I just need HIM to provide me with the strenght to get through this & move past it. I need HIM to restore me with trust & to make my heart whole again so that I can love this man the way I once did. Only time will tell, but whatever is meant to be, will be.


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